it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
