his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
