If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
