her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
