I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
