just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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