member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
