it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
