can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
