I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
