Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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