I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
