The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
