so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
