It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
