its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
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What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
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idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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