after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
