My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just cut my nipple shaving
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
