Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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