is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
