It's Friday. Sex?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
