singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
