no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
