Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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