I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize