no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
