Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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