Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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