So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?