Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.

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(661): View more from California

No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"

(973): View more from New Jersey

That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"

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(303): View more from Colorado

It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.

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These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Read it at the TFLN blog
(989): View more from Michigan

i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen

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(702): View more from Nevada

Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.

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(410): View more from Maryland

It was a book called Gay Safari.

(443): View more from Maryland

I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.

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