so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?