hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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