Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM