somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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