I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10