Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he puts the penis in happiness.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
