Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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