Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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