I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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