i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
