Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Vodka?
Forever.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
