for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My penis needs a shock collar
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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