my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
