I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
