ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
