I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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