Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
