why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
