he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
