How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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