You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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