well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
