He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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