There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
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Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
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So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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