She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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