I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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