so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
