Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
