I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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