And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
