ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
