I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
