Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
