Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize