She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
