I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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