This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
